Jiving on Regardless

{June 28, 2007}  

Annoyingly I just wrote half a blog and then lost it – so I shall start again – arrrgh!

I was saying, although you don’t know that, that this week has been fraught with anxiety, borderlining panic attacks. I went to the doctors on Tuesday to find out if there was more I could do to manage it better. I guess I was kind of hoping for some magic pill but having suffered from clinical depression on a number of occasions before I know that I always react badly to prescribed anti depressants and that once prescribed them I normally start to feel better without even taking them. It is almost as if the acknowledgement that I am not losing it and that I am stressed/depressed, whatever, is enough to give me a kick up the backside and sort it out myself. Anyhow, this time the doctor said that she didn’t want to prescribe anything and that my feelings were normal when coming out of a long period of illness and that I was doing all the right things to deal with it i.e counselling etc.

I know that all of this stuff is to do with constantly moving out of my comfort zone, which lets face it, wasn’t very big for the last few years, consisting mainly of my house and more specifically my bed! The furthest I went was to the hospital and the most people I had interactions with were doctors and family. I didn’t even see much of my friends so now to have a social life and a life in lots of other ways is bound to be fraught with anxiety. I know it will pass I just hope it is soon.

Mind you, I don’t help myself, I think I like pushing myself to my limits really. This morning I made the decision to attempt to go back to my fundraising career. I had considered that this was impossible as local positions at my skill level are practically non existent and therefore I would have to commute to London which just isn’t practical with young children. However, I did a quick search this morning and there are two local opportunities which are far too good to pass up. I may not get them but I would say that I have a pretty good chance given that there aren’t many local fundraisers with my skills around. For one reason and another when I went into fundraising I landed on my feet by happening to end up in a department which was cutting edge in the charity world. So cutting edge that despite having been away from it all for a few years most charities still haven’t caught up and are only now looking for people to do what I do. The money is ridiculously high (so much so that my husband has just rather excitedly pointed out that if I land one of these jobs he will go part-time or change his career – what a weird change that would be). It is definitely the money which is initially pulling me back in but the fact that these jobs are local and would therefore not compromise my childcare arrangements and wants and that ultimately they are doing a job which I have always loved, does seem to point to fate calling.

However, this has all happened today and God only knows what will happen tomorrow. My life seems to alter on a daily basis at the moment!

I went dancing on Tuesday and had an excellent night. I have regained my feet and started enjoying myself again which is great. Unfortunately I can’t dance this weekend as I have other stuff to do, fun stuff but unfortunately not dancing, however, I intend to make up for it by dancing on Tuesday and Thursday of next week.

My colitis has settled down a lot since I have been on the iron tablets. I don’t know what the correlation between these are but I can only assume that the stress my body was under from having too little iron was exacerbating things and now my iron levels are improving my colitis is too – I hope this stays this way.

I am now off to spend more time on Facebook. I am ridiculously addicted and enjoying it loads. It is so nice to speak to my friends more often especially as most of them live in London or too far away from me to see them regularly. I recommend it to people. Loads of my friends have said how they don’t want their lives exposed on the Internet and that they have better things to do with their time. It is true that it can be time consuming but I don’t think it is about exposing your life, I have found it much more valuable just being in touch with my mates on a similarly intimate basis that I had with them at work/school/ college/whilst growing up etc, and it has been so nice to regain this.

Anyway, better get on.


{June 25, 2007}  

I have just had a lovely weekend but am now suffering the Monday morning blues 😦

We have been quite busy dancing this weekend.  On Saturday afternoon we did a demo with our local venue at a local primary school summer fete.  It was an effort to try to attract new peeps to the venue and it was good fun.  There were about twelve of us dancing in the sunshine for half an hour – a lovely warm up for the evening.  That night we went to a fantastic charity freestyle in Daventry.  It’s quite far from us but it was worth the trip, we had a great night.  My husbands dancing has come on a treat and he is improving all the time.  I really enjoyed dancing with him on Saturday. The music was the best I have heard at a freestyle. I have started to make a mental note of DJ’s I like as I know this will make a difference to the freestyles I choose to go to in the future.  The dancers were brilliant too, majoritively those who had been at Southport so it was good to meet up with them all again.

Unfortunately I had to leave at Midnight, an hour earlier than the end as I had a banging headache which I just couldn’t shift.  I took co-codamol to no effect so was gutted to have to go.  I have been having really bad headaches recently.  I have put it down to Heyfever but I am taking my antihistamines regularly as clockwork and can’t see why it would suddenly come back.  I am guessing they are more likely to do with anxiety but then I am not sure as I was far from anxious on Saturday night.

Last night I went dancing to my normal venue.  I was really enjoying it for the first time in ages and then at 9pm my colitis decided to remind me it exists and I had to go home asap to deal.  I was so pissed off.  This has only a few times before and not for ages, so it greatly concerns me that it has happened now. I know it is getting worse. On Saturday I made the decision not to eat much all day so was fine colitis wise.  Yesterday I ate normally and it proved to be a mistake so I shall have to go back to not eating before I go out again. This is all well and good but it then stops me from being able to dance all night due to lack of energy so I can’t win – bloody illness 😦

I really want to go back to Daventry next week, I shouldn’t as I have a birthday party to go to but I am seriously tempted to change my plans.  The thing is it is a 3am finish and is a two hour drive away – given I am not on top of the world health wise it probably isn’t a good idea but the fact it is my health stopping me from going makes me even more determined to do it anyway – I am rebelling against my illness – not very productive really.

Anyway, I am moaning and I hate doing that.  Going to go drown my anxiety in a cuppa char!

{June 22, 2007}   Busy week

This week has been insanely busy.  On Wednesday I spent the day at my sisters with her, her three children and our oldest friend S.  It was fantastic to see S as we so rarely do.  We grew up on the same street so she is more like family than a friend.  The last time I saw her was a year ago and Wednesday was the first time she had met my youngest son. It is silly as she only lives an hour away in Leicester but she is a nurse on funny shifts and is constantly travelling around the world so we rarely get together although we talk a lot on email.

S convinced me to join Facebook or Myspace as she is off on a year long trip to Asia (again!) and wants to be in touch via one or the other. I decided on Facebook as that is where most of my friends are.  I have finally joined the revolution of social networking! It’s great actually, so far it has been fascinating.  I don’t know how people who work in offices with Internet access get anything done as there is so much to look at that boredom is definitely a thing of the past and immediate distraction must be easy. However, I like rejoining society in a different capacity than that of just a mother, I feel part of things again and it is great.

I am finally getting back in touch with friends I have neglected for too long.  For the last couple of years I have largely avoided people.  Mostly because I kind of had no choice as I was so ill I couldn’t socialise but even on better days I would not see people as I hated the way I looked on steroids and couldn’t bare the thought of people seeing me like it.  For the last five years my old college friends have had a weekend reunion where they all camp with their friends and families at one of my old mates places.  It is meant to be a great weekend and everyone loves it but I have never been as I have always been too ill and felt I looked too much like crap to see people.  This year it is in August and I am determined to go.  As I haven’t seen these guys (although I speak to some of them regularly) for so long I am going to break myself in gently and this year just join them for the day but if it works out I shall definitely do the whole family weekend thing next year.

This week, well, yesterday in fact, I applied for three jobs and then found three more to apply for next week. I have no idea what my chances are of actually landing a job but I am hopeful and determined and have already sorted out childcare arrangements for the kids in September. I visited the nursery yesterday and registered my youngest, spoke to our nanny about adjusting her hours (and consequently her pay as requested by her 😦 ) and talked to my husband about him working from home one day a week in order to do the school run.  This was all in one day on top of my normal chores and childcare duties and my husband and I even found time to spend an hour together that evening at Relate! 40 minutes away from home.  All in a days work 🙂

I have been so much more productive this week now that I am on iron tablets.  I feel tired today but that is just the normal Friday afternoon lull, all in all I am revitalised and ready for a busy weekend.  Tomorrow I am doing a dance demo in the afternoon and then out dancing all night.  Sunday we have the preschool summer fete and then I shall be out dancing again.  I am dieing to get out dancing again as it has been ten days since I last danced.  I am meant to have some new shoes arrive this week but they are not here yet – bummer as I was hoping they would be more comfortable than those I have.

Anyway, i’m waffling. I have been at a play centre with the kids all afternoon so my brain is like mush.  Best go and get their tea.

{June 19, 2007}   Fears and Friendship

I think fear drives us to do or not do almost everything.  I have found recently that fear is a big part of the things I don’t like in myself. Fear clearly has many advantages in as much as it protects and defends us from harmful or bad things, however fear can also be constricting and restricting particularly in social circumstances. I, like most, have fears about being socially acceptable.

As generally people don’t go around directly saying what they think most of the time it means that during social interactions we have to make assumptions based on what we think a persons language means, their body language, their repetitive behaviour and the way they look at you, their attitude and their mood.  Of course, often these assumptions are incorrect especially when first forming friendships as we don’t know the other well enough to know what is going on in their lives and thus what is having an effect on their interactions.

I find it very difficult making new friends on a face to face level,  especially with women.   The reason for this is I hate the insecurities and paranoia that new friendships induce in me and all the questions I ask myself: did I say the right thing? Did I express that right? Have I upset them? Do they like me? Do they want to be friends with me? Why would they want to be friends with me? blah, blah.  I guess this makes me terribly insecure but I suspect that I am not all that in comparison to most people and that forming new friendships makes all of us feel vulnerable.

The thing is, at the age of 31 I don’t need to make new friends like you do when you are a child and teenager but that is not to say that I don’t want to.  I think new friendships invigorate and add new interest to life.  Some of these friendships will be exceptional, memorable but short lived others will be less eventful, less exciting but long lived and special and others will be just flippant interactions which are pleasant but don’t amount to anything.  Of course we all meet people that we just can’t get along with for one reason or another and life is too short to battle for friendship.

I have some exceptional mates who I love with all of my heart and am incredibly loyal to and would do as much as I could for.  Recently though, due to being able to socialise again, I am finding myself constantly in the frame of making new friends and it is psychologically draining.  I want to make new friends but I hate the thought that people might find this as being needy or even desperate. This fear then drives me to back off as I don’t want to come across as needy and I suspect that this then gives the wrong impression that I have decided I am not interested.  It’s really not the case.  I love to make new friends.  I find people interesting and fascinating to be around. My problem is finding people I like and with whom I would like to be friends but not knowing how to cross the line from acquaintance to friendship – it’s a precarious line fraught with danger in my socially insecure head 🙂

I think people find me either intense, intimidating and too confident or on the flip side flirty, silly and  probably very blonde. For me this is not the whole story as although, granted, these are definitely elements of my personality they are not all of it and I would hope that I have lots to offer my friends and potential new friends as I suspect their are people out there who have lots to offer me too.  I guess it takes time to discover someones entire make up as we each have many facets of our personalities and many different things to offer to relationships.

What prompted these thoughts is some reading I have been doing around  Social Networking sites and why they are becoming so popular. I am guessing that they are popular because like me they offer the opportunity to make friends without the vulnerability or insecurities attached to face to face communication.  For some reason people can be more ‘themselves’ and more ‘honest’ on the Internet.  What I can’t get my head around is if their are so many of us out there feeling like I do then why can’t we all be a little more upfront in our face to face communication and say what we mean?

It’s a challenge.

{June 18, 2007}   Anaemia
Being scared is a funny thing.  Often you don’t know you are scared about something until you are confronted by it directly.  I say this because I just had a call from my doctor which literally made my heart go but turned out to be nothing.  A few days ago I had some tests done on my breasts .  Nothing that concerned me at all (as I told my husband, life just couldn’t be cruel enough to give me something else serious to contend with and I really believe it wouldn’t), or so I thought, until the doctor rang me and I immediately thought “shit, there really is something wrong”.  It turns out she was merely calling to tell me that my blood tests reveal I am anaemic again, nothing new.  Mind you, I say that and I have been feeling exhausted for a few weeks now and given the regularity with which I am anaemic you would think that I would recognise the symptoms but yet again they have baffled me and I had no idea.  It completely explains why I have been feeling so rough and hopefully iron tablets will sort me out again.  I am pretty much a chronic anaemic, something that is quite common in menstruating women but even more so because I lose so much blood as a result of my UC.  I don’t like taking iron tablets constantly as they irritate my UC but as much as I have an iron rich diet it is clearly not enough so iron tablets it has to be.

 I am glad there is a reason for my tiredness as I was starting to worry about it.  It is a big deal when I decide I can’t dance for a week.  Hopefully come Saturday I shall feel a lot, lot better. I hope so as I am out dancing somewhere over two hours away from home so it shall be a long one. It is also a relief to know that I can sort myself out as I have been getting so tired that from 3pm I have literally had to fight falling asleep wherever I am with the kids and I haven’t been able to drive anywhere as it is too dangerous when I am this tired. It’s a weird thing anaemia, it literally makes me just want to close my eyes when standing and nod off – I often do for a few minutes as I can’t help it and it definitely affects my functioning, I become very forgetful and slow.

I am now going to eat something and then head to bed – sleep is calling.

{June 17, 2007}   Music and Must Do’s

It’s Sunday night, not a night I would normally be writing on as it is my dance night, however I have decided to listen to my body and take a reluctant break. I went dancing on Friday and didn’t enjoy it much and feel that it was probably due to being exhausted and not giving myself any time to recover.  I have also been acting quite depressed yet I don’t feel as though anything is greatly concerning me, well, no more than usual, so I can only assume that it is down to exhaustion and that I need sleep!

It’s been quite a nice night as my husband has gone dancing without me and I have been plonked in front of the TV for two hours. Two hours of viewing is about all I can take nowadays before getting seriously bored but it was a good two hours. I rarely watch TV as it comes as we have a PVR and I record everything and then watch it without breaks which stupidly reduces most programmes by half an hour – I resent wasting my time on any advertising so I don’t. However, tonight I caught the last five minutes of Britain Has Talent on ITV. I managed to gather that they are trying to find someone to perform at the Royal Variety Performance but I haven’t seen any more of the programme.  Anyway, I happened to listen to Paul Potts’ Opera and it blew me away, my whole body went tingly, it was lovely.  It reminded me of how much I love Opera and must get some onto my Ipod, it can be so uplifting (that is so a thing I would not have confessed to a few years ago, I am most definitely getting old!). This in turn got me thinking of things I must do in the next few years and they all involve music.  I must:

  • Go to a Festival, ideally Glastonbury or Leeds – or both! I have always, always wanted to go but lots of things have prevented me in the past, mostly in the last six years it has been my illness.  I kind of regret not going this year but I got too addicted to dancing to sacrifice funds and time to it so  it has had to wait, however, it is on the priority for next year.  My husband would never come as it is not his thing but I have lots of friends and my brother who go so I should be able to tag along with someone – not sure I would have the courage to go alone.
  •  A big regret is that I never bothered to try to see Luciano Pavorotti live, his farewell tour was last year.  However I would very much like to see Placido Domingo or Jose Carreras live, I think any performance from either would be gorgeously tingling 🙂
  •  I have to see Eric Clapton live and if I don’t get to him next time he is in this country then I can definitely proclaim myself useless.  I have missed him twice in the last few years and it is just ridiculously slack. He is a legend that I must not leave until it is too late.

I have seen lots of artists live as I love concerts.  My favourites have been at the Royal Albert Hall, especially Tracy Chapman who was just beautiful.  I highly recommend watching any performance at the Royal Albert Hall as it is a great venue. There are lots of bands I would like to see perform live, a few examples would be Pearl Jam, Foo Fighters, Snow Patrol, Kings of Leon,  Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Basement Jaxx (again as they are awesome live) the Killers, Kasabian,  and loads, loads more, but in terms of legends that won’t tour forever I have nearly seen all those I would wish to see. I would give loads to go back in time and see Michael Jackson (when he was good), Nirvana and Queen – I have eclectic taste in music 🙂 My little brothers who are 13, 15 and 21 are always astounded at my taste in music.  Last year my 15 year old brother bought Red Hot Chilli Peppers into the room we were staying in on holiday and was amazed I knew who they were.  He then thought it was very cool that his 30 year old, OLD sister not only knew who they were but also had loads of their earlier stuff.  They all now raid my music collection although recently I have also been raiding theirs.  It is bloody awful to think of myself as too old to enjoy this stuff but I am sure I probably felt that 30 + year olds were old when I was 15 too.Mmmm, it has been good thinking about this, I feel very relaxed now.

Time for some much needed sleep.

{June 14, 2007}   Don’t call me Mummy!

Picture this: me, standing at the kitchen sink washing up with an 18mnth old and a four year old behind.  Both of them are repeatedly saying “Mummy”, “Moma”, “Mummy”, “Moma” to the point where I feel I shall go insane if I ever hear the damn word again.  My response was to keep my back to them and everytime I heard the word I would say (under my breath) “FUCK OFF!”.  It went like this “Mummy” “Fuck Off!”, “Moma” “Fuck Off!”.  You get the picture.  I felt and behaved like a petulant child, only to myself but as petulance generally does, it felt great.  I highly recommend the use of FUCK OFF when confronted with anything annoying.  It does wonders for calming me down and stopping me exploding.
Right now I hate being a Mum.  God, that is such an awful thing to say but I am certain I am not alone in this and I know that this is a short lived thing because I do love my kids to bits but right now spending time with them is getting me down.  My nearly four year old is so full of himself with a terrible attitude of “I am not doing that” that he is driving me up the wall.  This is slightly unfair of me as he is generally an exceptionally good kid with whom we have had none of the usual probs such as terrible twos, bad sleeping etc etc.  I guess most people would call him a “Little Angel” but my Little Angel can talk for bloody England (I hear you – yes, he’s like his mother)  and can argue and negotiate with the best of them. I console myself with the thought that if this skills continues to develop as it is at least he is headed towards a challenging career such as in Law or Politics although inevitably such a job would also lead him to become a pretentious prat so I am not sure I could ultimately face that either 🙂

My other son is eighteen months old and has a stonking temper and the kind of persistence and stubbornness which makes him almost impossible to deal with.  He is a gorgeous, adorable little thing (both are blonde with great big blue eyes which inevitably allows them to get away with lots around anyone)but underneath that angelic facade is a truly clever little bugger who knows exactly how to get what he wants.  He has discovered the word “Moma” recently and how to use it in context so I am now badgered constantly with his baby requests for this, that and the other and most comedic his new thing of crying “Moma” and pointing at my oldest to get him in trouble for something or another.

I can appreciate the fact they are learning, developing and are adorable, but ultimately motherhood bores the pants off me at the moment.  I hear myself saying the same ten things over and over and over again every single day.  I do the same things over and over and over every single day and I talk/interact with the same people.  It is tedious to the max and I HAVE got to go back to work.  The Stay at Home Mum is Best brigade will have me for this but it is so mind numbingly dull.  I have done it for four years and another year will send me over the edge.  I have done all of the puzzles, coloured all the pictures, watched re run after re run of Fireman Sam, The Tweenies and Lazy Town on Cbeebies, made loo roll parrots and plastic cup animals and mushed playdough into plastic gadgets.  I have finger painted, roller painted, painted with pain brushes, splashed, walked in and blown paint, I have sang every nursery rhyme and sung every action song and watched practically every Disney video ever made.  Surely whatever sins I have committed this is punishment enough?

I do love my kids, I can’t reiterate that enough but my brain is crying out for stimulation which they just can’t give me and frankly I just can’t sacrifice myself to the cause of “well adjusted” children anymore.  I have decided that the best course of action is to save up for counselling so whatever wrongs they uncover in my parenting they can be put right at some point in their future 🙂

I had a long discussion with husband last night and we both agreed that regardless of UC I have to try and get back to work.  If, after a while, it becomes difficult then I shall have to rethink but it is a case of work or go mental and I just can’t face going mental.

Today I hate the word Mum, Mom, Moma, Mummy.  I hope that tomorrow I will love it once again.

{June 13, 2007}   Flaring up again

Last night was great.  I had a really busy day yesterday and didn’t think I had the energy left to dance, particularly as my UC had been a nightmare all day.  From 5pm onwards I could barely do anything but I felt determined to go out and see if my theory that dance is good for it  is true. Well, it is and it was.  At first I felt dubious about dancing incase I suddenly had to leave but after a time I forgot about it and my UC didn’t bother me at all.  I had some great dances last night with all of my favourite dancers and it was just the boost I needed. I love dancing as I can forget who I really am for a couple of hours and forget everything that ails me – it’s very peaceful.

I have taken it a bit easier today. I am really anxious that the UC is flaring up and I know my body is telling me to slow down. I had an Indian Head Massage instead of reflexology yesterday and M said that the knots in my shoulders and neck were massive (I feel very bruised today where she kneaded them out!). I am not surprised as I carry all of my anxiety in my shoulders and I know I have started to feel more stressed.  Today I resolved to listen to my body. I have a tendency to run myself ragged and not stop unless I am made to stop.  My problem is that I really am made to stop, literally in my tracks as eventually my UC spreads to my joints and I flare up with inflammatory arthritis.  I am certain this is because I overload my body when it is busy trying to do its immune system thing and thus it is comes up with the attitude of "if she won’t listen and stop of her own accord then we shall have to stop her completely".  It is awful and I have spent too much time not being able to move about to allow it to happen again so I am going to take all precautionary measures.

For the last three mornings I have struggled to get out of the house on time to take my little one to preschool as I have been stuck in the bathroom.  It is getting increasingly painful and prolonged and the urgency is gradually increasing.  I know it is on its way in again (actually, I guess it is already here), so today I decided to take it much easier.  I have sat down and eaten lunch in front of the TV and caught on some Home and Away episodes :-).  I then went to bed for an hour.  I didn’t actually sleep, not sure why, but it was nice to just lie still and have a good think about all I have to do and sort it out in my head first rather than buzz around like a mad thing doing 100 things at once.  So, I am going to try and move a bit slower, although I shall it be moving slower on the dance floor or reducing my dancing as I know it not only boosts me physically but also mentally.  One symptom of my UC is depression and I am certain I would be depressed now if I wasn’t dancing.

So, there we have it.  The bane of my life is creeping up on me again, I just hope it’s a little blip again and doesn’t get any worse.  I can handle these little blips I am just terrified of having a repeat performance of last year.  I didn’t realise how scared I am of that until now really.  Before, my illness just went from diagnosis to gradually getting worse and worse and I never really got my life back to such a point where a re-flare hit me too hard as it never really got to remission.  However, now I have had it so good for six months I can’t bare the thought of going back there. Fingers crossed.

I am trying to look into child care options and jobs as I really want to be able to work again however it seems so complicated and fraught with so many what ifs around my UC that I don’t know that I can face it.  I have no idea how I will ever manage getting both children out of the house for 8am, dropping them both off at whatever childcare they have to go to before school (and during for little one) and make it to work whereever that may be for 9am when my UC blights my mornings so badly.  It will probably involve me getting up at 4am or something ridiculous to allow me time to get my UC probs out of the way, deal with the kids and be on time.  However, this means I shall spend my life exhausted and probably induce worse symptoms because of that.  I know people do it but I don’t have to so I am wondering if I should.  I really want to but I want a lot of things I can’t have and maybe this is another one – I guess time will tell.

Anyway, this has been far too long and waffly and I have dinner to prepare – I sound like a Stepford Wife when I say stuff like that.  I am sure my husband is thinking "if only" 🙂

{June 11, 2007}   Not so good day.

What a day yesterday.  My actual birthday and although nice in lots of ways, primarily the special treatment from my other half and kids, it was actually a pretty awful day.  I spent the whole day ill with my UC which really did my head in.  My stomach ached all day and I spent much of my time in the bathroom.  It hit me that it has gradually been getting worse again each day but I am just hoping that it’s because i’ve been over doing things and just need to take it a bit easier for a while.

We went to our normal dance night last night but I hated it.  I think it was a combination of feeling ill, feeling shattered and generally just being over sensitive.  It should have been a good night really as there were lots of people there due to it being a free night in order to raise money for a local cancer charity.  It was fun in that respect but I just wasn’t up for it.  We left at 10pm which seemed a bit weak especially as it was my birthday.   However, the earlier than usual night has done me some good so hopefully I shall have a better day.

Feeling very flat but I was warned that this might happen after such a fabulous weekend at Southport. I hope it doesn’t last long as I hate it.  I am debating whether to go dancing tomorrow night or not. I ought to as I love my Tuesday nights as the group I spend my time with are all lovely and make me feel very welcome. It should give me the boost I need.

I forgot to mention last week, at least I think I did and I can’t be bothered to go back and check, that I had Reiki.  This was as a result of winning a raffle prize but Reiki was always on my list of alternative methods to try and now I have.  It was really lovely and I do recommend it.  I am not sure about all the energy, chakra points stuff as personally I suspect it to be a load of crap.  What I can appreciate is the benefit of complete relaxation and the very comforting feeling of having hands laid on you in a really gentle way.  They basically place their hands on certain points of your body (over your clothes) for a few minutes at a time moving up and down the body very quietly whilst you close your eyes.  It is amazingly peaceful and most people, including me, fall asleep or at least in a deep state of consciousness.  I shall definitely be going back for more as it was just so invigorating being so relaxed for an hour.  I am not sure of the long term benefits or effects on Ulcerative Colitis but given that a lot of chronic illnesses are exacerbated by tiredness and stress I feel it can only be a good thing to do.

Anyway, I had better get on as the place is a tip and I have a tonne of paperwork to do  – I have a file of papers to go through just in order for my eldest to go to school in September.  I had no idea they would want so much flippin’ information!

{June 10, 2007}   Birthday Weekend

Yesterday was lovely.  As it was the only morning we were going to spend with the kids over the three days we decided to celebrate both of our birthdays that morning.  We had a leisurely morning eating a great breakfast which included chocolate cake, opening presents and cards and playing with the kids.  It was lovely. I was a very lucky girl and received a new I-Pod Nano – a pink one 🙂  Such a girl!  This is quite amusing as only last week my God daughter was telling me how she was going to get an I-Pod for her 11th birthday tomorrow and here I am the day before getting the same present at the age of 31, it just shows that some people never grow up!

Yesterday afternoon I went to my Mums to drop the kids off and for her to help me put my hair up in a 1940’s style ready for the Hangar dance that evening.  I had spent a bit of time looking stuff up on the net but found nothing remotely helpful.  My Mum spoke to my Grandma who advised, rather simply – “use a pair of tights” with no elaboration on how.  So, I took my pair of tights and Mum and I got on with it.  Much to our surprise it took us less than five minutes and looked spot on – we are now experts at the classic 1940’s style!  Weirdly, I now think, I didn’t need to buy any clothes as I love 1940’s style and have quite a few bits in my wardrobe reminiscent of this period so I just took out a dress, painted my nails the obligatory red and wore red lipstick.  This was the weirdest thing as I rarely ever wear lipstick, I hate it, and to wear bright red lipstick was very alien.  It was all for the part though so had to be done.  My husband looked very ‘dashing’ in an RAF Officers uniform which definitely fulfilled a fair few fantasies of mine 😉

Here is a picture of me looking the part, even down to it being black and white.

Anyway, last night was brilliant.  Over 90 per cent of people were dressed up in 1940’s gear including a host of very cute US Soldiers – yum! It was like going back in time.  Everyone danced and we had a great time messing around with our attempts at Lindy Hop and Waltz. There was the weirdest food including something called a Funnel Cake which is basically deep fried pancake mix covered in icing sugar and cinnamon. (Note to US sufferers – do not wat, I was sick last night and have since had a very bad symptoms which I am sure is as a result of eating this stuff) It was okay but seriously unhealthy – how any nation could come up with such a seriously unhealthy mountain of food products I have no idea.  Everything served had mountains of sugar in it.  I very much hope that they eat this sh*t on occasions only.

It was a seriously good night. Cheap beer flowed at £1 a bottle, lots of odd food as mentioned, great dancing and it really did feel as though we had walked back in time as everything was so authentic and really, really lovely.

This next photo is of me at 1am, very, very knackered and having removed the 50 plus grips and pair of tights that had adorned my head and all make up – nice! It just shows what wearing hair and make up does for a women 🙂

Today, my actual birthday, has been lovely too.  As the kids were at my Mums we had a very unusual lie in until 10.30am.  A much needed sleep I can tell you.  We then headed off for Brunch at a local Brasserie which is something we never do and was such a treat.  This evening we are off to our usual dance night which should be really good because as well as us heading over there with beer and cakes, which always go down well, it is also a charity night so it should be fun and busy.

All in all a superb birthday weekend and yet another great weekend.  I always love June as because it is both of our birthdays it is always great fun.

Anyway, my kids have just got home so time to play….

et cetera