Jiving on Regardless

{March 30, 2009}   Life teaches many lessons – all the time!

Life moves in mysterious ways and teaches us many lessons – all the time!! That is what I have learnt in the last few days.  You think that this epiphany would have come to me sooner given recent experiences but no, it took some fairly trivial and some sad stuff for me to realise how precious and exciting life can be.

Last weekend was shit (for once, not in the literal sense!).  I have, for the last nine months or so sat on the local Playgroup Committee as Fundraising Manager.  Despite putting my absolute all into it I found last week that it wasn’t appreciated and after being treated fairly badly (in my opinon) by the Chair of the committee, I resigned.  This kind of broke my heart.  I don’t know if I am just over emotional at the moment but I was devestated and spent far too many days crying about it.  I had put so much into and felt really committed and was shocked to find that I had kinda put too much into it.  I have discovered that sometimes there is just no working with some people. This upsets me as I do my best to work with everyone.  As a fundraiser you can not pick and choose who you work with as the very nature of working with volunteers is that you do the best with what you have got.  I enjoy this, it throws up the odd challenge but it is all part and parcel.  It didn’t help that the difficulties I encountered were with someone I had up until that point considered a friend. I have no idea what happend but after days of angst I have decided to move on and that it was actually for the best.

Whilst in hospital after my first op I made the decision that when well I would commit as much as I could to raising money for the NACC and my local hospital.  Not long after getting back out there I was approached by the Playgroup and as my son goes there I didn’t feel I could say no.  Doing what I did for the playgroup was fun and I loved it but I was never entirely satisfied and felt that I really wanted to be doing fundraising for a cause that had more pull for me.  However, my son is there for one more year so I felt I should do it.  Now I have resigned I realised that my time can now be put exactly where I want it to be and I can now embark on what I really want to and that is to raise lots of money for the NACC and my local Gastro Department.  As ever, what was a difficult situation is actually for the best.

The garage sale plans are going well.  Today I have two local newspapers come out and photograph me and some of my neighbours to promote it and the NACC in local papers.  It is going to be quite embarrassing as who in their right minds wants to talk about bowels in their local newspaper?  However, I feel quite strongly that unless people like me talk about it awareness will never be raised and it is important that people have a better understanding of the illness. Since I have started talking about my experiences locally and on Facebook I have bee astounded how many people have got in touch with me about it.  Often I am the first person thy have met/spoken to that has been through what they have.  This is the definite upside of being so open.  It makes me anxious when I think about talking about it all but it is getting easier.  Obviously I have done it on here for two years but that is different, I know that pretty much the only people reading this are fellow sufferers and it also has a degree of anonimity attached to it.  Exposing ones personal life publicly is not easy.

Anyway, I am discovering that it is good to talk and that it really does help me and others.

My next thing is the half marathon.  We have quite a team gathering for it who are now all registered.  This week I am going to set up a Just Giving page and get my husband to start blogging about it (he likes to blog about his running, which is good) and he and I shall start helping people with their training plans.  I am half considering running it.  I hate running but I am starting to think that it would probably be a good thing to do – i’ll let you know where I get with that train of thought 🙂

Another thing that has reminded me of how precious life is, is my neighbour.  Two years ago we got new neighbours who turned out to be very nice.  They have a daughter who is 18 months older than my oldest son and the two of them hit it off from day one.  She practically lives at my house, being here every evening after school and all weekend.  Over this time she and her family have been a God send to me as she entertains my boys which saves me doing it when I am shattered and her Mum has helped me loads whilst being ill and hospitalised. It is now my turn to help them.  The father has liver failure and this morning I was told it is end stage and therefore terminal although they don’t know exactly how long he has.  I feel devastated for them and their little girl who I have come to love as part of the family. I feel gutted that at some point in the near future my children are going to be exposed to the fact that people’s Mummy’s or Daddy’s do die.  My son has constant nightmares and worries about this subject so to confirm his fears is going to be hard.  We are heading for sad times.  I am just grateful that now I am well I can give back and support them as they have supported us and just be there.

Life can be very hard.

All of this reminds how very lucky I am to now be healthy, very happy and looking towards a bright future.


Ali says:

Writing about your experiences and sharing it is a noble thing and you do it well! If you didn’t we would never have met! Hope the newspaper interview went well xx

Lottie says:

Thank you Ali. The newspaper stuff was good, well, I think it was, need to wait for the actual pieces to be come out – I think they will be in tomorrow’s paper – eek!!

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