Jiving on Regardless

{May 19, 2008}   Post Weekend Downer

I’m having a bit of a post weekend downer.  I had an awesome weekend doing the thing I love most – dancing West Coast Swing.  It was a weekend I had a lot of involvement in organising and I, and my friends/teachers, had great satisfaction in seeing it come together so well.  I met some amazing dancers and really felt my dancing come on.  I didn’t dance as much as I would have liked as I get so tired but I had a good go.

The trouble is the weekend was tainted by me thinking about my pending surgery.  For hours I would get lost in my dancing and my head would work over time working out patterns and variations as well as a lot of  work on technique. We had our first private lesson which was excellent and got me really excited about our future dancing but then of course I realised that no matter how much work I put in now, come September it will be buggered for two years.  People were talking about planning a trip to the US next year and was so up for it but then realised that regardless of money I wouldn’t be going.  I know I might dance a little in that time but no where near as much as I would like and my ability in West Coast will definitely suffer as a result.  This flattens me.  I hear everyone excitedly discussing what they want to achieve and feel so frustrated that my bowels prevent me from doing this.

On Sunday we were meant to have a chat with my in-laws about the op and how they might help during my recovery.  All Saturday I kept on thinking about this chat and I so couldn’t face it.  I couldn’t face their sympathy and disappointment. In the end I danced the Sunday all day and night so got out of it.  I have only put it off for week but it was a bit weak of me.

I feel terribly selfish for letting this get me down because of my dancing.  I know I have to do this op because it is the best (and ultimately) only thing I can do. My dancing will suffer anyway when I get really ill so it is pretty irrelevant.  It is much more important that I get healthy, then stay healthy for me and my family.  It’s pants though, I find something I love to do and am then prevented from doing it.

I don’t know, but do people look at your stomach rather than your face when they’re talking to you after this op?  I bet they do, i bet they check you out to see if they can see your bag.  It’s bad enough having men talk to my breasts, having them talk to a bag of shit really doesn’t do a lot for me 🙂

My nurse rang today with details of a lady my age who has had the ops over the last five years (she had a three year delay between illiostomy and J Pouch).  I shall call her this week for a chat but it feels a bit weird.  How do you pick up the telephone and start talking to a complete stranger about bowels?  If I had her email it would be easier but I have to do it by phone. It’s a strange thing to do huh?

I had a horrible dream last night which actually left me screaming out loud in my sleep.  I am sure it is because I am whittleing.  If I am whittleing about this now, what on earth am I going to be like when it actually happens?  I do still feel excited at the same time but then that makes me feel wierd as who gets excited about having their bowel removed and having a bag?!  I feel a bit like I am wading through fog, suspended in mid air with no idea quite where I am heading.

It’s funny as I never have a problem talking but when I feel very stressed I find it incredibly difficult to get it all out.  I can talk to people matter of factly and be apparently honest and open but I am not truly.  I think truly I would quite like to curl up in bed and hide, or stand in a field and scream.  It’s very lonely being ill and facing such a huge change.  No matter who you speak to about it, even those who have a shared experience, it still feels lonely.

I guess I could really do with some sleep.


{December 9, 2007}   Colitis and Corsets

I haven’t written for a while ’cause, well, what with feeling so well and lots to do in this festive season I haven’t much felt the inclination. However, my husband pointed out that if there are people reading this with colitis they are just as interested in the high points of my life as the low points.  I guess I can prove that you can have high points with colitis, even after many, many low points.

I have now had my second Infliximab infusion and am due a third on January 3rd 2008.  I shall have the infusions every eight weeks until I become symptom free, which is not quite yet, or until they decide that the treatment has done as much as it can.  The treatments are fine and other than making me very tired for a few days afterwards I feel absolutely fine.  I do still have symptoms, bleeding etc but mostly my bowels are normal and I am leading a more normal life than I have since diagnosis seven years ago.

The other day I took the brave step of buying myself a corset, a full on, boned and beautiful corset for a whopping £135!  I have not spent so much money on an item of clothing since I got married but boy was it worth it.  It is absolutely stunning and makes me feel fantastic!  It takes my waist down to a 20 inch waist! You lose four inches in a corset – who needs diets, and why the hell did women give up wearing these things, they are brilliant.  I can wear the corset out and about over Christmas which is great, it’s first outing will be on Friday – I can’t wait!  I have also invested in all of the additional paraphernalia which must accompany this delicious piece of lingerie – yep, stockings and suspenders.

A year ago wearing such things were an absolute no no.  Firstly, I had a crap body image, being bloated and over weight due to the steroids, secondly my abdomen was too sore and painful to be wrapped up in such a constricting item of clothing, thirdly, I felt like shit so had no inclination to put anything other than pyjamas on let alone a sexy piece of kit and fourthly I had no confidence to even consider revealing myself in such a way – how things change! 🙂

This Friday I shall be wearing my corset, hot-pants, stockings and suspenders and dancing! Mad but it can be done and I am about to prove it.  I hasten to add that this would not normally be the kind of get up I would grace the dance floor in, Christ no, I am no exhibitionist (well, maybe secretly but lets not go into that 🙂 ) , it is a themed night so allowed and my husband will be with me so perfectly safe!  Mmm, now I think about it I wonder whether I will actually have the nerve to go out like that, I hope so as it is for fun and why not, there will come a time once again when I couldn’t possibly.

So, there we are, life with colitis isn’t always bland and painful but I have only just discovered this and long may it continue.

If anyone is reading this with colitis I truly hope you have  a healthy and happy Christmas and if things are not good right now that they improve greatly in the New Year.

I doubt i’ll be back before Christmas so Merry Christmas xxx

{October 13, 2007}   My week

Have had a full on week this week which means that a few decisions I made last week have helped.  One such decision was to cancel my degree course. I am disappointed as I was looking forward to getting stuck into it but having sat down and thought it out properly, which receiving all of the course materials prompted me to do, I realised that it was too much to take on right now and could be detrimental to my health if I get overloaded and too stressed. The right time will come for me to do it but I have realised that now isn’t it.

One other reason why I was reluctant to focus all of my time and energy on a degree is because I have started West Coast Swing and I love it with a passion I haven’t felt before.  I am enjoying it more and more and want to use the little energy I have left after caring for my family to spend doing that.

Tomorrow I am on a four hour workshop, the first of many I am sure, and can’t wait.  I finally managed to convince my husband he could do and he is proving me right.  He is picking it up incredibly quickly and is such a perfectionist I am sure he will have it sussed fairly quickly.   We are both loving it.

Other than dancing I have spent this week doing family stuff.  I am thoroughly enjoying looking after W on my own again. He is such an easy baby to look after, preferring to potter around playing with his cars than doing anything with me. He is so lovely to be with too, despite and horrendous temper which I am working hard to tame.  I actually realise that I am now finally getting to know my baby properly. I don’t want to dwell on it too much as it makes me sad to think that I let our attachment simper, although I know it was through uncontrollable circumstances.  I am glad to have my baby to myself finally.

Mind you, here I am calling him ‘my baby’ and this week he moved from his cot to a big bed.  I bought my boys some lovely bedroom furniture from Ikea (Mammut range in blue) and spent all of Thursday putting it together on my own! It looks fab and they are now out of the toddler bed and cot and in single beds. My oldest wanted to share with his brother so they are now in the same room and are soooooooo cute.  They wake up and I can here them playing and chatting to each other.  I love it, it is exactly how I imagined and wanted them to be at this age.  We are fortunate to have the space for them to have their own room if they want it but it given that they already have a playroom downstairs and hence don’t play in their room, they don’t need space for toys and therefore should need to have separate bedrooms at this age. One day when B is older he will want his own space but in the meantime my husband and I are reclaiming the fourth bedroom.  We are not sure what to do with it yet but I am sure we shall decide soon.  We already use a bedroom as a study and therefore don’t have a spare bedroom so we shall probably go traditional and turn it into a guest room which will be nice, if slightly under utilised.

Anyway, I am banished from the lounge this evening as the Rugby is on so I am going to do some virtual Christmas Shopping.  Have already done over 50% of my shopping – how organised is that? 🙂

Right, credit card to the ready…

{September 24, 2007}   Contraceptive and me

Since having the Infliximab treatment I have had zero side effects which is some what of a miracle as there are few drugs I have been given that haven’t effected me in some way or another.  I am not sure that it has had the desired effect though, which is disappointing.  Saturday was a bad day with my UC and although that last two days have been a little more settled I can’t say I have noticed a vast improvement, although I am not bleeding nearly as much as before.  I am hoping it just needs a little more time.

As my Consultant recommended I went to my GP on Friday morning to sort out contraceptive.  What a palaver.  I can’t have the implant or injection as they could effect my Cyclosporin levels, I can’t have the combined pill as I am due to see a consultant about my breast problems and if there is a problem the combined pill could exacerbate it. I won’t have the marina coil fitted as I don’t trust it as both my sister and a friend have got pregnant on it. This left the mini pill which is not ideal as in years gone by I have reacted badly to it, however the one I am on now is supposedly quite new and shouldn’t have the same effects – Cerazette. So, after much Internet searching and discussion with her colleagues (I was there for an hour) this is what was decided and I have now started taking it.

This new GP commented on what a ‘challenge’ I am – as previously noted, she is not the first to recognise this and I am sure won’t be the last.  I am resigned to the fact that I was born to be awkward – and not just medically 🙂

I had a pleasant weekend although I haven’t danced since our weekend away at Southport and am now gagging to get back to the dance floor.  My regular Tuesday night is cancelled so I now have to find a new venue for this week as I shall go mad if I can’t dance until Friday.  Friday should be excellent though as I am going to a new Blues Club – very excited!

Anyway, B at school and W at nursery so I had better get my house clean 😦

{August 28, 2007}   Depression and Change

Well, the last few days have been a bit up and down, so much so I am not sure where to start but I guess the beginning is a good place.

Last week after getting my job interview result I suddenly felt really down.  A natural reaction to rejection but it wasn’t that as I was relieved not to have been offered a job that I would have taken and ended up miserable in.  I realised that I felt down as I had nothing to focus on and that I had been feeling depressed for months.  The interview and other stuff had stopped me dwelling on how flat inside I felt but now there was nothing tangible to worry about I couldn’t justify this flat, horrid, cloudy feeling inside.  I decided that it was time to go to the doctors and ask for anti-depressants again.  The doctor refused to give me them a few months ago on the grounds that I was doing everything I could to feel better (eating well, exercising, counselling etc) but all of these things clearly aren’t working.  I saw another doctor and I am now on 20mg of Cytalopram.  So far so good and no bad reactions although it takes a couple of weeks to have any effect.  Previously I have been on Seroxat and Fluoxetine (Prozac) and had horrible reactions to both, they made me feel like I was going mad as my brain wouldn’t calm down.  This happened very quickly on both of those drugs so hopefully the fact I am five days in with no reaction is good. I also hope that they do the trick and take this grey cloud away.

Despite being down I had a lovely weekend.  Friday night I went to a brilliant dance.  It was a dance friends’ birthday so there was a big crowd of us out to celebrate.  We had a lovely time and they are all lovely dancers so I had some great dances.   I am so little that the guys in the group like to practise aerial moves and drops with me.  It’s hilarious, they throw me around all over the place.  At one point I was being passed from one to the other to demonstrate stuff to each other.  I love doing those kinds of moves and the guys doing are excellent, experienced dancers so I knew I was safe – I wouldn’t let any old bloke throw me around like that, they have to know what they are doing and be safe. As they say ‘you must find a responsible adult’ and ‘don’t try this at home’.

Saturday and Sunday were spent with the family, Sunday being our annual street party.  We live on a lovely street of young families.  One of our neighbours is in the US Airforce and he is big on ‘get togethers’ so every year he instigates this street party.  We hire a bouncy castle for the 20 plus kids and we all put a dish to share on a table and then get our BBQ’s out. It is brilliant.  The day is spent drinking and eating and the kids love it just running around and playing on the bouncy castle.  It is one of the nicest family days of the year.

Bank Holiday Monday was spent visiting my sister and her newborn daughter who arrived last Thursday.  She is beautiful although my sister is knackered having a new born and three boys  under 5 to care for! I think she is mental.  Two is definitely my limit.

It is now 11 o’clock and I have had a difficult morning.  I spoke to my sons new nursery today after a number of cock ups had been made and clarified that he is to start next week and I am to take him in for settling in sessions this week, starting today.  I feel sick at the thought of him not settling in although my oldest son went there and absolutely loved it so I am sure W will too.  I have also just had to do one of the hardest things ever and give my nanny a months notice.  She has been amazing for the last year helping me with the kids through a terrible time with my UC, however, now I am much better and my oldest is starting school I can’t justify the cost of keeping her and nursery is so much cheaper and better for my son in terms of him developing social interaction skills. He doesn’t get much time with other kids his age so two school days a week at nursery should be great for him.

She took it ever so well, so much so I guess she was expecting it.  It was me that was pathetically sobbing whilst telling her! I am going dancing to night which will hopefully relieve the massive amounts of tension I now have. The last few weeks have been so stressful I shall be glad when my life settles into its new routine.

With all the changes in childcare I have also decided that I shall study until the right job comes along or until W starts school and I can work fulltime.  I don’t want to go to London and nothing local is likely to come up for a while and yet I need to do something with my brain otherwise I’ll go mental.  Therefore I am now looking into OU courses and think I have settled on doing a Diploma in Politics.  Politics fascinates me (US Politics more than British  – strange but true, but I guess I shall learn about this country first!), and I would love to move into charitable campaigning and the likes so I figured that as well as keeping me interested and motivated it may also help my career.  I haven’t registered yet so we shall see if I actually do it or not but right now I am up for it and can decide to go on and finish a degree if I want to – an ultimate ambition of mine as it is the one major thing I am lacking.

Anyway, I promise I shall right with more verve next time.

{August 21, 2007}   2nd Interview

Have gone a bit quiet these last few days as I have been preparing for my interview. However, I managed to have a fab weekend including a great Ceroc tea dance on Sunday afternoon.  There was a bit of a cock up with my dance workshop and I was gagging to go dancing so I went out at 6pm and came home at 9pm as I needed an early night. It was fantastic. All of my Tuesday night dancers were out and we had a great night, mind you,  I must have been a bit enthusiastic as I hardly slept that night as my body ached so badly.  So much for the early night!

Friday night wasn’t quite as good as I had hoped as my so called friend tried to tell me that I shouldn’t apply for a job at a charity as my illness means I have more time off than most and this makes me a liability and it is unfair.  I was seething.  I can’t believe that people are so ignorant and awful.  It’s a good job I think more of myself than he.  People like me (and those of you reading this) can contribute just as much if not more than those with full health.  We don’t take our lives for granted and put 100 percent into everything.  Rather than gossip at the coffee machine I work through as I know I might not be able to tomorrow.  Okay, I am not perfect but I know that when at work I work damn hard and I always make up for my sick times.  Plus, in actuality I work through feeling ill a lot and most people don’t even realise.  I am shocked that people can still be so ignorant, especially a supposed friend who has known about my illness for years.

Off out dancing in 3 hours time and am counting the minutes as today has been very stressful and I need to dance it off.  I had my interview today from 12 until 3pm.  It wasn’t nearly as bad as I had planned for or imagined, in fact it was fairly tame but still stressful as it is the first I have done in years.  The weird thing was that I had to have lunch with all of the head office fundraising staff (about 13 people) and with the other three candidates.  I think this worked to my advantage as the others had already been interviewed before lunch and so I had the opportunity to meet the panel and get to know them a bit before I made my presentation which definitely helped.  It also put my mind at rest as to my competition.  They were all 50+ greying men with beer bellies, bad taste in ties and suits and mostly smelling of cigarettes.  I figured that if that is the kind of image they want then I can’t possibly compete and I shall not waste my time dwelling if I don’t get offered the job.  I was most concerned about having to eat as normally I wouldn’t in order to minimise the risk of having to dash to the loo.  Fortunately my body was good and after one quarter of a sandwich I was fine and I got away without eating more.

I shall hear the result tomorrow I should think.  I hope I am what they want and they pick me as I do really want the job.  It is full of massive challenges but to make a success of it would be a great career move so it should be good.  We shall see – fingers crossed.

I can now relax for a while whatever, until I decide to apply for another anyway.  N got his job which is fantastic although they aren’t offering the salary package he hoped for so we are not sure if he will take it.  To be offered it is a good thing though.

I am now going to relax into a busy week with the kids, we are doing something every day this week.  However, the weekend will be easier as my Mum is having the boys and N and I are off to London dancing – can’t wait.

{August 15, 2007}   Dance shoes

I have so far done 7 hours prep for this damn interview, with more to go so I better get it! Mind you it is only because I have been out of it for so long and am now having to do a lot of work to put my brain back into gear. It is hard work but it is good to feel switched on again.

I had a great night dancing last night.  I didn’t go dancing on Sunday and think this made an enormous difference as I had plenty of energy for my favourite night.  All of my usual dancers were out and we had a good giggle and lots of great dances, the music was great too apart from the odd obligatory fast Ceroc track.  I might have to rethink my dancing and perhaps dance on Tuesdays and Thursdays instead, i’ll see.  I am loathe to give up my Sunday nights as I like the people but our regular teacher has just left and I am not sure there is enough pull for me there now. Time will tell.  I am doing a ladies styling workshop this Sunday which should be fun.

I am preparing for my next dance weekender in Southport and have ordered some really nice Nike dance trainers this week which arrived today.  I like them as they look like nice ordinary trainers rather than the freaky looking Blochs and the like which are no doubt comfortable to dance in but look dodgy.  Anyway, they look great but despite having a spin spot the sole doesn’t seem smooth enough for me to be able to dance well in them.  When N gets home tonight I shall get him to put me through my paces to test them out properly and I am hoping they prove me wrong and work well as I don’t want to send them back.  I went to a dance shop today to check out their trainers and predictably didn’t find any I like as they are all goofy looking. I did however find a pair of sandals I have been after for months.  I have seen someone else dancing in them but forgot to ask her where she got them and then haven’t seen her out since.  It turns out they are kids ballroom shoes which explains why I couldn’t find them! Fortunately they do them in a size five so I have ordered a pair.  N will kill me for spending more money but I had a naughty moment – lets hope I get his job so my naughty moments are forgivable!

I guess I ought to get on with more prep – God it’s dull but shall hopefully be worth it.

{August 7, 2007}   Job Interview – how it went

Two posts in the less than two hours – now there’s a record.

I now have adrenaline coursing through my body and am greatly relieved that I am off dancing in few hours time so I can get rid of it all – mind you, I shall probably be exhausted by 8pm!

The interview was gruelling.  Well, to be honest, it was not nearly as gruelling as it could have been as fundraising, despite its professionalism is very nicey, nicey but it was gruelling for me as those paths in my brain which lead me to fundraising and general business speak are long untrod.

I think it went okay but who knows.  There are seven short listed candidates but I am the only one ‘offering’ part time  hours – he, he 🙂 This will probably ultimately go against me unless the others were shite, which I hope they were (well, you know, one can only be so altruistic!).  It turns out that my area of fundraising is what they are most interested in and I know for sure that there will be no other candidates with my skills as I know most of the people that have them and they aren’t applying for this job – the wonders of networking 🙂  Alongside the hours thing the other biggey against me is my age.  This is always one of those things that interviewers comment on with me but actually in a weird seem to like.  They are intrigued at how someone so young can be what they deem ‘so successful’ which is very flattering, particularly right now.  I don’t feel at all successful but supposedly I am way to young to even be short listed for interview for this position let alone if it goes any further.  Ironically I am one of those examples where not going to University has helped rather than hindered me. Not having a degree is a difficult one to overcome but as I have said people are intrigued – how can a non graduate manage graduates? It’s quite easy to be honest.  Not all non graduates are lacking in brains and many, many graduates are definitely lacking in brains having winged it through Uni.  I think I, and many like me, make people more open minded.  I dont’ have a degree as I needed to be at home for family reasons it isn’t because I am thick and couldn’t get one if I wanted.  I hate the assumptions people make which is partly why I moved into fundraising as it has to be said that these assumptions are not so ingrained as they are in the commercial workplace.

Blimey – did I climb on my high horse there?

During the interview I had that terrible feeling of being repetitive and dull.  I think I probably wasn’t as I remember this feeling from previous interviews which ultimately were successful but I am now filled with that post interview uncertainty and questioning. Horrible.

Anyway, time to change out of the smart dress and heals and resume Mummy status – until 7.30pm anyway 😉

I should hear whether or not I get a second and final interview by the end of this week and if I get it I shall then get very, very anxious!

{July 13, 2007}   Today

My UC has been flippin’ agony today, typical on a day when I am planning on going dancing tonight and really looking forward to it.

It started this morning at 6.30am and at 8.15 I was still in a lot of pain talking to myself to try and get myself dressed and my little boy to preschool on time. It went a bit like this “deep breath, you can do it, just get up and shower and it will settle down”, ten minutes later, still lying on the bed having not given the kids breakfast or managed to get dressed this sentence was repeated for the twentieth time. There’s nothing like a bit of self affirmation to gee a person on in the morning!  I did, surprisingly, manage to get up and and out the house on time with both kids in toe and prepared to head off immediately to the doctors after dropping B off, to have my bi-weekly blood tests.

The nurse who does the test probably tests about 20 people a day.  She does my tests every other week and has done for eight months now. You would think she would be good at it and it wouldn’t hurt but every sodding time she jabs the needle into me like she is trying to pop a balloon, and it hurts like hell.  The phlebotomists at the hospital NEVER hurt, I wouldn’t know they had taken blood if I didn’t watch. I now have my bi-weekly bruised arm, again on a night when I am dancing and it will hurt 😦

This afternoon has been lovely as both of my kids fell asleep for two hours and are now vegetating in front of the TV and a new DVD I got them this morning – my parenting skills are to revered! However, I am now suffering my punishment as I have just spent 25 minutes in the bathroom and once again I am wondering why I haven’t yet allowed them to remove my rectum ’cause quite frankly I could do without it right now!

So, that’s my day.  To make myself feel better I indulged in a new dress which I shall wear tonight.  On heading into town this morning to get stuff for my four years olds birthday party on Sunday I couldn’t help but notice that the sales were on and I couldn’t help but go in and have a look and I couldn’t help but buy myself a dress.  It is a compulsion, an affliction my husband would love me to rid myself of and one, I am sure, from which many women suffer. It hurts but one just has to go with it 🙂

Hopefully tonight will see an improvement in my day and the weather will behave itself and allow us to have a nice weekend, especially for the party on Sunday.

I guess I better go and be a proper Mummy…

{July 11, 2007}   Another Flexi Sig (sigh!)

I can’t believe it has been a week since I last wrote anything, I have been a bit slack recently.  This is mainly because I am currently engrossed in writing my CV and covering letters.  Just finished my main one today whch is a relief so after my husband has edited it – always a good idea to have someone else check it – I shall send it tomorrow.  Fingers crossed I will get an interview as this is for the local fundraising position I would really like.  It scares me loads to be going back to fundraising and a position of such responsibility (Director of Fundraising) but I know I can do it really and just need to keep pushing myself along until I get into it all again. It is already frightening using my brain again.  I haven’t discussed strategies and budgets for years!

The hospital called today and confirmed that I have ANOTHER Flexi sig a week on Thursday.  I have honestly lost count of how many of these I have had now.  I so wish that this illness didn’t involve so much poking around up there. Talking of which, I had a random thought yesterday about how much worse this disease could effect my life.  I could be a gay man  – how pants must that be? I could go on but given my lack of experience in these matters I won’t 🙂

I am yet to hear about the Infliximab Infusion.  The consultant wanted to do it all at the same time but the girl who called today didn’t mention it and I didn’t think to ask so who knows.  I suspect they will check me out first and then arrange the infusion.  Weirdly my UC hasn’t felt as bad the last few days but then it always fluctuates like this.  It would seem that every time I tell my consultant it is back it then decides to calm down – I have a feeling there is some psychological involvement however I am doing enough psycho analysis in other areas of my life without going into this just yet.

Things are ticking along okay at the moment.  My husband and I are sorting our problems out and really coming through them which is a great relief.  We have some way to go but at least we are getting there.  It was touch and go for a while but we are a tough couple and after ten years together feel it is well worth making an extra special effort to keep going.

My oldest is going into his last week at preschool next week  (sob!) . This week I had an emotional meeting with his keyworker who clearly adores him.  She told me some bits about his work and comments at school which made me and her cry.  My little man is the sweetest little thing you’ll ever meet.  He has this uncanny ability to make people feel really good about themselves and shows his empathy for people in a scarily mature way.  His keyworker has recently been ill and on returning to work he said “I have missed you loads T.  Can I give you a kiss to make you feel better?” he also made T’s day by commenting that she looks like Groovy Chick (she is in her 40’s but has for the last year been wearing pink Crocs and dresses quite wackily, strangely she reminds me of Groovy Chick too).  This has made her year and she now has Groovy Chick lunchboxes, pens and all sorts.  I believe my boy has made a lasting impression 🙂

I went dancing last night and enjoyed it more than I have done in weeks.  I started to learn the lead which is hilarious but I made a good start so shall now do the beginners class as the lead.  I then had an excellent intermediate class with my fixed partner (this class has about 150 people in it so I can’t face going up and down the rows). My partner this week (I swap two partners with another girl – sounds good huh?!) really boosted my confidence and got me double spinning! It feels great, needs some practise but I am getting there.  My lack of spinning ability at a level I want to be was frustrating me enormously and denting my confidence. However, my motivation is back so my lounge floor is going to see a lot of action now whilst I practise 🙂

Right I am off to indulge more prescious time on Facebook – that  site is horrendously addictive!

et cetera